Let’s be honest, connection is one of those things everyone says they want, but no one really teaches you how to build. Especially when you’ve been through enough life to have some walls up.
For a while, I didn’t even realise how disconnected I was. I had people around. Group chats. Memes being shared. Quick check-ins here and there. But none of it felt real. I was present, but not really showing up. And I was definitely not letting anyone in.
A lot of us are good at talking. We know how to be funny, how to give good advice, how to be entertaining or helpful or “on.” But connection? That’s different. Connection is when you say what you actually mean. It’s when someone sees the parts you don’t post. It’s when you’re allowed to not have it all together, and the relationship still holds.
The truth is, connection takes effort. Not the performative kind, but the quiet kind. The consistent kind. The kind that’s built over time, not in a single deep conversation or cute moment. It’s built through follow-ups. Through showing up when it’s inconvenient. Through listening and remembering and caring even when there’s nothing in it for you.
And yeah, it gets awkward.
Especially if you’re used to being the strong one, the funny one, or the emotionally unavailable one. Shifting into deeper connection means unlearning some of that. It means not brushing things off when someone asks how you are. It means texting first sometimes. It means saying “I miss you” even if your pride doesn’t want to.
What I’ve been learning lately is that the more honest I am, the more space I make for the right people to connect with me. The more effort I put into being present, the more I realise how many people were waiting on me to let them in.
Connection doesn’t always feel magical. Sometimes it feels weird, vulnerable, or even boring. But when it’s real, it’s grounding. And it’s worth the risk.
If you’re struggling with this, you’re not alone. A lot of us are learning how to do this in real time. We’re figuring out how to rebuild friendships, how to make new ones, how to reconnect with ourselves, and how to not shut down when someone offers closeness.
And honestly? That’s the art of it. Trying. Fumbling a little. But trying anyway.
A girl, probably. 